Family friends were going home after Christmas 2016. I was home alone trying to recover from Sommer’s death, ceremony and our family trip to Newport Beach, CA where we set Sommer’s ashes into the Pacific Ocean. Her favorite place was not Disney Land but the beach, the surf, the gathering of shells when the tide was out in the late afternoon.
Their youngest daughter said to me before they left, “Sommer had the face of God.”
Grief is all consuming. It reaches every neuron, every pore, every vein, every wrinkle, every muscle. It is real and it has a mind of its own. It creeps up on you while walking through Target, as it did to me today. As I write this tears are blurring my vision and spilling over to make a puddle on my lap.
The death, the untimely death of Sommer has been the hardest, the hardest thing God has asked me to walk through. I feel like a deflated balloon that is flying around the room as the air releases from inside. Deflated but not defeated.
The truth is Sommer finished her race early. As one friend said, “She just graduated before the rest of us.” I was moving books around my office one day not too long ago and a 3×5 note card dropped out and it had Sommer’s handwritten memory verse:
“I have fought the good the good fight. I have finished the course. I have kept the faith.”
2 Timothy 4:7 KJ
I’ve been training with a running coach so I can run a 5K, 3 miles, with our youngest daughter. I’m 52 and have not done a road race in a decade. Yes, 10 years. Trust me when I say my body is not happy with my thought process some days. Some days my body applauds me and I have extra cream in my coffee. Hazelnut, please. I had to say that to get the tears to stop puddling.
“I weep with grief, my heart is haeavy with sorrow.”
It’s simple really. It takes sunshine and rain to make a rainbow. God made a promise to us with a rainbow. Now, who does not run outside to snap a picture of a rainbow?
Sommer was two and I let her go out in her blue raincoat, Mickey Mouse umbrella, and pink rain boots sent to her from Miss Cathy in California. It’s the cutest memory I have. Her splashing in puddles singing Sunday School songs. She delighted in everything. She had the face of God.
Many years ago I was at a women’s home bible study. One young woman just lost her husband to AIDS. She never knew he was a recovering drug addict. She knew he was in recovery for alcoholism but not the I.V. drug use. It was so sad. We were studying the book of Job. She had been applying for jobs that day and when it was her turn to read the scripture she pronounced Job as j-o-b. No one said a word until our host corrected her and she said she must have j-o-b hunting on her mind. We all had a great laugh and she needed that more then anyone knew. We couldn’t go back to Job we had to hold her hands and wipe her tears.
Sommer had fulfilled her final act and God called her home. He knew her appointed time before she was knitted in my womb. I truly wish He would have let me in on it but God is not my puppet. He is my Father in Heaven and He has our Sommer.
How blessed am I? Completly! There are millions of mom’s in the world that can’t say that with blessed assurance. But I can. I do. I will.
“You have decided the length of our lives you know how many months we will live and we are not given a minute longer.”
May God have the Glory!