It’s Not Time Yet

We’ve all probably said a one time or another “God works in mysterious ways.”

During my time in the ICU on a BIPAP machine,  a nonevasive ventilation machine, pushing 100% oxygen into my body.  My blood oxygen level was 75 that’s as close to dying you ever find yourself.  My family was told I had a 95% survival rate within 72 hours of entering ICU.

My family was placed in the same position we were all in when our Sommer was in ICU. With Sommer, we all knew she went too long without 100% oxygen.  All the doctors could do was to test what we already knew.  At least, I knew it.

Some people don’t believe God speaks to us today as He did in the old testament.  But I believe he talks to us through His word, other Christians, teaching and personally.  That’s okay if you don’t believe God speaks to us but He spoke to me in that ICU room.

I found a nice warm spot in the bed and I just wanted to sink deep into it.  I was so weak and tired that that warm spot was tugging me down deeper and deeper.  It felt good there and I really wanted to snuggle in and drift away.  Then I heard Sommer’s voice say, “Momma, it’s not time yet.” That is not mysterious, that is a miracle and I’ll tell you why. That warm place went away and I saw my husband and our two daughters in my mind’s eye sobbing and I knew I was not meant to die. I was needed here in this broken world.  My sweet family whom never left my side for seven days needed me and God was not ready for me.

I read about Billy Grahmn talking about entering heaven before our appointed time.  He said he didn’t want God to say, “Billy, your too early but that’s fine come on in.”

Billy was talking about taking one’s own life and not waiting for the appointed time and how he imagined what God would say.

That was not my case.  I had been in great despair about Sommer dying that I really did not care what happened to me. But I am too big of a chicken to take my own life.  I was just lost in my grief and that can be a part of grieving.

Today, a month out of the hospital, I have no despair but lots of hope. More hope than I have ever felt.  I like this feeling and I pray it lasts.  I feel as if God had to put me in a place of complete surrender for me to hear His voice loud and clear.

Yes, I believe God talks to us today.  The problem is we can get wrapped in all the noise of this world we can’t hear Him. God’s love and mercy are so great for us that missing a conversation with Him can change our lives.  Listening to Him will also change our lives if we just slow down and listen.

In Christ Alone,

Heidi

 

 

 

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