Bask in The Sunshine

We know a couple who had their first baby when we found out I was pregnant with our first daughter, Sommer.  When we called to tell them our news they gushed with how “rewarding” having a baby was for them.  Nine months later I’m having a difficult time in the birth of Sommer and the doctor ended up vacuuming her little head, terrible experience but it avoided a C-section.  Four hours and five minutes after my push time started, she was born.  Screaming I might add.   She screamed every night until the early morning hours.  Just in time for the new daddy to get up for an hour commute and a full day of work.

We loved our baby girl but there was not a feeling of “reward.”  In fact, I felt overwhelmed, tired, confused and a bit frustrated.  Why didn’t my baby sleep like other babies?  We walked around on tiptoes when Sommer finally fell asleep only to have her wake up screaming again.  I thought there must be something wrong with me.  My baby girl didn’t like me.  She was not content with anything.  I nursed her around the clock for months and still, she didn’t sleep well.  She had a healthy set of lungs and a great digestive system but there was nothing terribly rewarding about motherhood at first.  I loved her but was not in love with her.  That took some time.  I was so frazzled with my new job as a mommy that I thought for sure I was not cut out to do the job, but it was too late to take her back.  So, I soldiered on and on and on.  Then one day she smiled at me and my heart melted, and I fell in love with this chubby little baby and all the stress I felt left me, and I finally felt rewarded.

I thought I had a lifetime guarantee to be Sommer’s mom, but God had a better plan then my plans.  I can only see things in my limited view, but God not only sees the big picture, the wider canvas, but He is also the painter, the photographer of the snapshots of this life.  He called Sommer home at the age of 22.  I was supposed to grow old, watch her get married, possibly have children.  Her dreams were my dreams for her.  Just like the dreams of our other daughters are my dreams for them.  Of course, I want God’s will for them to be done but I share in their dreams and callings in this world.

Sometimes I feel let down by God.  Ripped off.  I didn’t get to have her for a lifetime.  I didn’t get to watch her dreams come true.  But one did come true.  She wanted to spend eternity with God, and I watched that dream come true the day she died.

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Don’t let Satan steal your joy.

 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

Bask in the love of Christ and feel His peace cover you and bring you joy.

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