No Rules Allowed

The first rule about grief is…there are no rules.

No right or wrong.

No steps.

No stairs.

It just is.

It can be like a hurricane.  First, you get some rain. Then the winds pick up.  The oceans crash onto the beaches.  Then it rains sideways.  The winds pick up into triple digits. The shoreline disappears and then it may become eerily quiet.  That’s the eye of the storm.  And then the sky opens up and rain buckets down.  Houses fall apart some wash out into the sea.

When Harvey hit the Texas coast between Port Aransas and Port O’Connor, Texas as a Category 4 with winds gusting at 130 mph. Havey is the first Category 4 hurricane to make landfall in the U.S. since Hurricane Charley in 2004.

We live about 3 hours north of there and we had wind gusts above 65mph.  Havey took down a 15-year-old Oak tree standing in our front yard.  I cried.  We planted 3 trees for 3 girls.  Sommer named her tree.  I name the house plants and yes I talk to them and they answer back.  When I water them they perk-up.  That speaks to me.

Grief has knocked me down like a set of waves that just keep rolling me over, filling my swimsuit with lots of sand. Yes, I have experience that and it is scary.

Sometimes my grief is scary.  It hits me out of the of the blue.  I can be in the grocery store or be getting gas. Even during my quiet time.  Reading God’s comforting promises moves me to tears. I can go a week and not cry, then Bam, I cry for hours days and nights.

I am not crazy but grief is crazy at times.

The facade of grief may be indifference, preoccupation, anger, cheerfulness or any variety of emotions.  But if we try to understand it, we may learn how to cope wit it.’

Billy Graham

Nailed it, Mr. Graham!

A few weeks before Sommer died she was having hot cocoa with her friend Renee’. Sommer told her friend “You know, God may never bring me a husband but that is okay with me because I am falling so deeply in love with Jesus like He is my first love.”

The day of her ceremony of celebration and remembrance I dressed as “The mother of the bride.”  It was a dress Sommer picked out a month before she died and told me I needed to wear it for our thirtieth wedding anniversary the following year.  She loved that dress.  I had told her the dress cost more than my wedding gown. I bought it the night before she died online. I felt like the mother of the bride on that day. Happy she was with her bride-groom and devastated she would not be coming back from a honeymoon.

But, you see she is in Paradise the best honeymoon spot for her.  She finished strong. And I must wait my turn.  I will see her one day soon, God willing the Lord will come again sooner than later.

Blessings on your day.

Heidi

Getting to Know You

Hello and welcome to Live Life with Hope.

My name is Heidi and I live in Texas with my husband and two of our three daughters.

I am a Christian and my relationship with my Savior, Jesus, is more important to me than any human relationship I may have. My name is written in The Book of Life.  I am washed clean by the blood of the Lamb.  His blood is the ink used to write my name. It is the same blood that was used the day our Sommer prayed and asked Jesus to forgive her sins.  The same blood used to write my husband’s name and our other two daughter’s names. It’s the same blood “ink” that has or will record your name in The Bood of Life. I hope your name is there because one day we will meet in Paradise.

A month after our eldest daughter, Sommer, died of unknown causes I started to write devotionals and send them to about five friends.  My friend Anne said she enjoyed opening her email and finding something from me.  It was her devotional for the day.

I kept that going for a couple of months and then I found myself crying and crying as I wrote and I became overwhelmed with grief. I took time off from writing with the hope my grief would just go away.  That never happened. Why? Because grief is grief and we all experience it in this broken world at some point in our lives.  My grief is MY grief and I want you to know that we all grief as differently as the sound of our laughter. It’s okay to grieve. In fact, it’s important.  After all, Jesus wept.

He wept over Jerusalem and the death of His friend Lazarus. Jesus wept. So must we.

It’s not a sign of weakness it’s a sign of meekness. Being meek is to be humble and when we are humble we are vulnerable. I don’t know about you but when I am vulnerable I become more dependent on God.

Meekness starts when we put our trust in God.  Then, because we trust Him, we commit to Him every aspect of our daily lives to Him.

I hand over my grief, my anxieties, my frustrations, my plans, my relationships, my marriage and my health to my Heavenly Father and He guides me through each day.  Even the days I cry for hours.  You see, nothing is too big for God to handle.

I have hope because I have Jesus.  When people first hear that our daughter just died they ask me how do I get out of bed every day?  I say, “It’s because of Jesus.”

You see, I am blessed knowing that Sommer is with Jesus.  No doubt about it.  I know many people don’t have that blessed assurance.  If you are one who has no hope then I invite you to come along as I walk through my grief and share my hope.  Which is greater, faith, hope or love?  God’s word tells us love is greater and I agree.  However, when I have hope my faith becomes stronger and love becomes my guide.

“For God so loved the world He gave His Only begotten Son….” John 3:16

 

Thanks for stopping by.  We’ll chat soon.

Blessings on your day!